I said what I said: self sabotage isn’t a thing.

Self-sabotage is the idea that we intentionally and purposefully harm ourselves in order to withhold from growth or goals.

The idea is that we can identify things that we want in life, but in the moment, out of spite towards ourselves, we choose not to do it. For example, let’s say, you want to stop ordering food delivery because it’s hurting your budget.

You’ve identified this, you’ve even gone so far as to stock your pantry with groceries so you won’t be tempted to order take out, but when the moment comes to actually make the decision whether you will cook dinner at home or not– you opt to order take out.

The assumption here is that even though you knew better, you opted to work against your goals, and are therefore self-sabotaging. As a therapist at my Austin based practice, I am here to tell you this is wrong!

The issue with this self- sabotage theory is that the assumption isn’t right! 

Don’t forget– in the most basic (and also most complex) parts of ourselves, we are evolutionary beings. This means that without conscious attention, we are ALWAYS organizing towards growth. We do not have to try to evolve, we just do. And behaviors that continue to grow and evolve with us are ones that are deemed worthwhile to achieve natural selection. 

What this means is that everything that we do- whether that’s choosing to put ourselves in difficult positions or order the take out when we’ve promised ourselves we wouldn’t– serves a purposeful function. Our job is to determine what needs are being met when we engage in the maladaptive behavior. 

We are evolutionary beings, oriented towards growth. Our behaviors serve a purpose, not that of self-sabotage.

Let’s go back to the previous example of budgeting and ultimately deciding to go against your budget by ordering takeout. Your goal is to save money, but your behavior makes it so that saving money in this specific way isn’t possible.

What need might be influencing the decision that you made? Whatever it is- its clearly more important at a subconscious level that this particular need gets addressed than the need to save money. So what might that need be? 

It’s clearly more important at a subconscious level that this particular need gets addressed rather than the original behavior you identified that you acted out against.

Identifying the Purpose Behind Decision-Making

First, let’s identify the purpose behind your decision-making that “sabotaged” the original goal. What would cause someone- who is always organizing themselves towards growth, even without effort- to go against their goal?

In this example– are they exhausted? Burnt out? Too emotionally and physically drained to cook themselves a meal? What if they are overwhelmed by cooking and wouldn’t know where to start? What if they are dysregulated after an emotional day and need the take out in order to numb out (or cope) so they don’t have to feel their emotions?

Removing the Self-Sabotage Idea

In any of these scenarios, when we remove the idea that we’re sabotaging ourselves, and instead look for the purpose behind our actions, what we can see are unmet needs. The person who is tired needs the break/the cookbook/ to numb out.

So instead of blaming ourselves and assuming we are choosing to limit our growth, let’s explore ways to meet those unmet needs. When we do this, meeting our original goals becomes a lot more simple because we aren’t working against ourselves subconsciously. 

Self-Discovery Counseling in Austin, TX

Do you often view your behaviors as sabotaging towards yourself? What if you were to instead consider the purpose of acting outside of your goals and attempt to meet your needs! Interested in exploring further what your unmet needs are? Reach out to Revive Psychotherapy to learn how to interpret your behaviors in a new and meaningful way with the help of a skilled therapist.